Immortal Beloved
by cool19bex
Summary: Kate Beckett knows what it's like to lose a part of you, when someone you love dies. She understand the darkness that everyone has inside of them. Richard Castle has had a carefree, relaxing life. He knows what it's like to go to bed with one girl, and wake up with another. But what would happen if they were to get a taste of each others' life's? Would they be able to cope? Always?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I can't believe she's gone.

I wasn't even that close to her. But she was still a huge part of my life.

At least I understand.

I know what it's like to lose your mother.

I know what it's like to feel that part of you crumble and melt away, leaving nothing but a shadow. I know what it's like to feel that you had forever, and for it all to just disappear over one split second. I know what it's like for to not say goodbye.

I understand.

He's not letting anyone near his house. He shipped Alexis off to her mother, even though she's hurting too. He won't even let me in.

I've never known him to be like this, he was always the one who was trying to get me over to home. It guess it doesn't feel like a home to him anymore. Home is where your family and loved ones are. Now it's just a dark, empty place full of reminders of the past.

I need to prove to him that it's not his fault, it's mine.

I knew that we were in too far, that we shouldn't have kept pushing.

I wanted to catch the dirtbag.

At least we got him. Derek Nesah. Alternatively known as 'The Darkness'. The Californian serial killer we've been searching for for months. Currently known to have murdered over 30 people.

All woman between the ages of 40 and 70.

All stabbed in the back three times with middle fingers removed and occasionally sold and used for blackmail in kidnappings to confuse the police.

All staged like a drowning in the bathtub at their own homes.

Except the water isn't water.

It's blood.

The victims' blood.

* * *

I'm heading over his place again now. To see if he'll let me in. I really hope so. He can't cope with this on his own. I need to help him. He helped me when my mum died, even if it was indirectly. I need to do everything I can to help him.

I take a deep breath before knocking.

No answer.

I knock again. 'Castle? Rick, it's me. Please, let me in.'

No answer.

'Please Rick, you've got to let me in. I can help you. Just let me talk to you.'

I can hear him moving inside. I know he's listening; expecting, wanting me to say more.

So I do.

'Rick, remember a couple of weeks ago when we were in that beautiful, traditional restaurant uptown. I was in a bad mood because we had just lost a good lead, but you tried to cheer me up by taking me to this stunning diner. You made me laugh by having custard on pizza with jelly beans on top, and I said: 'You have a wild, crazy mind Castle. Someday you've got to let me in.' You replied: 'You're allowed in. Always.' So this is me, wanting to be let in.'

I hope that works. I hope he'll let me in.

I can hear him coming closer to the door. It slowly opens.

It looks like death overcame him. I just want to pull him into a big hug. But he speaks before I am able to.

'It was 'a wild, childish mind'.'

I smile a faint smile of sadness and remembrance.

'Of course it was.'

He walks inside, so I follow him in. The place has been ransacked. It looks like hell. Taps are running, bin-bags are overflowing and there is still crime tape over the bathroom door. I take another deep breath. And another. I keep going till I smell it.

The horrendous, familiar stench of alcohol.

Castle can read the look in my eyes as I head over to a slightly open cupboard in the kitchen. I swallow as I see whisky, beer, wine, gin, baileys and a million other murky bottles of liquor. I turn away from the cupboard with hurt in my eyes. I know this isn't the time or place for it, but it's there. I've gone through this before. No again. Not now, not ever.

'Kate, I'm sorry.'

'It's ok. Don't worry. You have reason.'

I blink my tears away and turn to face him. He has tears streaming down his face. They look as if they've been there for days. They probably have.

He looks so scared and upset. I can't take it anymore.

I pull him for a bear hug.

I can feel his tears melting into my jacket. Old ones, falling to my shoes. New ones, onto my shoulder.

'It's ok, Rick. It's gonna be ok.'

'Kate. How do you it? How do you cope after they're gone?' He's gasping, barely breathing.

'Shh… It's all going to fine. It'll be ok, I promise. I'm here with you.'

'Stay. Please. I can't be alone now.'

'Of course I'll stay. For as long as you want.'

'Always…' Once the short word has left his mouth, I know that this is where I need to be. And this is where I'll stay.

I slowly let him go.

I put my hand out and he shakily takes it. I lead him over to the couch. His breathing has slowed after our hug.

He looks me in the eye to let me know he wants a serious answer to whatever's coming up next.

'How do you do it? You must know. You've been through it. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to cope… without her?'

'Everyone deals with it differently. It just something you have to work out.'

'What did you do?' Oh dear, how do I answer that without letting him know one of my biggest secrets.

'I…I read.'

'Read what?' He needs to know. He deserves to know.

'Your books.' I smile faintly. 'I read all of your books, again and again till I knew some of them off by heart.

He smiles. An empty, hollow smile. But it's enough.

'I guess you need to write me some books to read then.'

'Yeah, I guess so. They won't be as good as yours though.' He smiles a cheeky grin.

'Of course not! Nothing could ever beat mine. I'm just that awesome.'

I chuck a cushion at him and he chucks one back, right in my stomach.

'Oy! That hurt!' He grins again and grabs another one.

I run to his bedroom to get more pillows. The bed hasn't been slept in in days.

I look to his bedside table. There's a new photo. One of Castle, Alexis and Martha. The date says two days before Martha was killed. They look so happy there. It was Rick's birthday that day. They went out for lunch to a big restaurant round the corner from the precinct. They invited me but I said 'no'. Why did I do that?

A muscular arm sneaks round the door and throws at me while I'm facing the other direction. When I don't react, Castle walks into the bedroom and over to where I'm standing. A fresh band of tears arrive in his eyes when he sees what I'm looking at.

'I'm sorry.' I stutter. 'I just saw that it was new and picked it up and…'

'Hey, Kate, don't worry. I'm ok.' He sniffs and takes a tissue out of his pocket. 'ish…'


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It's nearly midnight. Castle and I have been sitting on the couch, with some stupid reality TV show on in the background. We've just been talking, thinking, and remembering the good times we had together. The good times with Martha, with Alexis, with Lanie, Esposito and Ryan. And with Captain Montgomery.

'Do you remember the day when I was in the back with my mother, and I was bored so I phoned you,' Castle said. I smile and reply:

'Of course I remember! How could I ever forget the next thing you said to me?!'

'What? What do you mean? What did I say?!'

I turn away. How could he have forgotten that? That moment burned through my heart from the second it left his lips. And the scar it left was the most beautiful, stunning scar you could ever imagine.

I can feel tears coming to eyes. I walk over to the window. It starts at the floor and ends at the ceiling. There's such a beautiful view across New York. You can the empire State Building, with the Statue of Liberty in the distance. I have always loved New York. There's so much going on; you can never get tired.

Castle slowly eases himself off the couch. He heads over to me, a concerned look in his eyes.

'Kate? What's wrong? Was it something I said?'

I squeeze my eyes tight shut. I'm trying to block the whole world out. I can't cry here, in front of Rick. I clench my fists, trying harder and harder not to let my tears flow out. It's getting tougher and tougher to keep this up.

I can feel Castle putting a hand on my shoulder. I can feel him looking, searching my face for any sign of what's going on. I can feel him pulling me into a hug. Suddenly, I can't hold the tears back any more. I open my eyes a crack and find myself clinging onto his soaked shirt.

'I'm sorry Castle, I…'

'It's ok Kate, it's gonna be fine.' I take a deep breath.

'Thanks, Rick.' I smile and loosen my grip on his shoulder. He supports me, half carrying me back over to the sofa.

The second we sit down, the doorbell rings.

'I'll go see who that is.' Castle states.

'Thanks Rick, for everything.' He smiles and responds:

'Always.'

I can see him head over to the doorway. I rest my head against the sofa, drawing round the patterns on the cushions with my index finger. The flow of tears on my face has reduced slightly now.

'Hey Castle, how are you holding up?' I recognise that voice instantly. It's my best friend, Lanie. Why would she be here, of all people? 'I was wondering if you know where Kate is. She's not home and she's not picking up her mobile.' Oh crap, I must have left it on silent.

'Uhh... well. I'm ok. Yeah. Um… she's in here if you wanna come in.' he glances at me to see if that ok with me. I shrug with a small shake of my head. It's too late though, Lanie is already taking her jacket off and is inside.

She stops when she sees me.

'Kate?!'

She starts madly running with one shoe slipping off her foot.

She pulls me into a huge bear hug.

'Ohmygoshwhathappenedareyouok ?!'

I smile and wipe away some of my tears. 'Yeah. I'm… I'm alright.'

'Oh good! I was so worried when you weren't at your home and then you didn't pick up your phone. I thought something terrible had happened to you and I was just, like, about to call Espo and then…'

I give the _stop, not now, not here_ look.

Castle comes over from where he has been standing, watching by the door.

'Would anyone like a drink?'

'No, I'm ok thanks. What about you Kate?' Lanie says quickly.

'Just a glass of water please, Castle.' I smile and look away before he can meet my eyes. Lanie senses that there's something not quite right. She takes a step back and watches us for a minute. Castle brings the drink over to the couch. I look away before he can give it to me. He takes the hint and puts it down on the table.

'Ok, what's going on here between you two?' she looks from Castle, to me and back again to Castle. 'There's something not right.'

She walks over to Rick and studies his face, knowing that his will be easier to read than mine. He turns away from Lanie, flinching at her gaze. She gives up with him and comes over to me. I walk away, back to the window where I was earlier.

Lanie heads back to the centre of the room, so that she can see both of us. She looks genuinely confused.

'What were you guys doing before I got here?' Castle is quick to reply:

'How's that relevant?'

'This isn't a court, things are neither relevant or not. They just are.' Lanie retorts.

'There you go then. Then just are. Happy?' Castle is getting annoyed now.

'Get real. I want to know what's really going on here.' Lanie bites back at him.

'Well good luck finding that one out.'

'Thanks, but I don't think I need luck.'

'Really? Oh, you wanna bet?!'

'I got money. I bet fifty.'

'I got a hundred.'

'I got five hundred.' They are right next to each other, screaming in each other's ears now.

'I got one thousand. And plenty more where that came from.'

'Ok.'

'Ok then.' Castle finishes it.

They walk away from each other.

I slowly walk over to Lanie. I whisper in her ear.

'Look, you know you're my best friend, but could you just give Castle a little space now.'

'Yeah sure. I'll get out.' She screams. She heads towards the door glaring a Castle's back. She slams it shut. Castle is standing by the fridge. Eyes closed. Fists clenched. Fast, short breaths.

I put a cooling hand on his shoulder. He jumps like he didn't realise where he was. He shakes my hand off him. I try to hold him still, he's shaking madly. I put a hand on each of his shoulders. He shouts, turns around and punches me in the face. Then he grabs my arm and uses it to propel me through the air to the other side of the room. I scream and fall to the floor. Everything slowly goes black.


End file.
